is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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