Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
