mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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