Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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