it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
