She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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