So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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