i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
