we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
