Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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