Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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