Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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