remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
