my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
