i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
