I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
