Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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