I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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