something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
