hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
