its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
