i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
