I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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