dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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