1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
