i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
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