Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
