I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
