Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
