I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
