Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
