Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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