i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
