ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Congratulations! We have a period
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