a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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