there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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