I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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