Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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