I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
