unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
