in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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