i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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