I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He kissed a someone with a penis
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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