I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
