I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Your dad touched me again.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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