I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
