i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
