I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
