I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
honey bunches of taint.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
