how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
