1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
