Capitaan dildo arrescate!
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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