Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
