The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
