i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
