Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
