haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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